Saturday, February 1, 2003

Virtual Garage Sale

Welcome to my virtual garage sale. I have several items here for sale, mega cheap. I need to get rid of them because they are cluttering up my garage. If you do not buy these items, I will be forced to drive out to the watershed in the middle of the night and illegally dump these items in the woods, where they will undoubtedly break down into toxic subcomponents that will harm the environment and its inhabitants.

17" Gateway Vivitron Monitor -- SOLD
I've upgraded to a 21" monitor so I now don't need this awesome 17" Gateway Vivitron Monitor. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it: in fact it has one of the better displays I've seen. I bought it for $75, and am willing to part with it for a mere $60. I'll give you $15 off if you trade me a small 14" monitor.
In the wild, the monitor screen might break and evicerate this poor woodland creature. The scent of blood will doubtless draw predators. Buy this monitor or the fawn gets it.
Medium Size Dog Kennel -- SOLD
This is a dog kennel with a locking gate. The round thing is a roll of duct-tape to give you an idea of the of size of the kennel. The outside measurements of the kennel are 3 ft long by two wide by 28 inches tall (inside measurements are slightly smaller).
This kennel might accidentally trap a cute black bear like this one and make him easy prey for researchers who product test on animals. You don't want this bear's tumors on your conscience.
Women's Mountain bike -- SOLD!
This is a woman's mountain bike made by Coleman, maker of camping gear. The bike was $199 new, but could use a tune-up. The seat has been chewed on a little bit. The rear brake needs to be tightened. The bike hasn't been ridden more than a few times and, as you can see, the reflectors work great.
A tire might come off this bike, float down the Cedar river and get wrapped around Free Willy's neck. How could you sleep at night?
Small Microwave -- SOLD!!!
This microwave is a little beat-up and scratched but works great. If you have a detached workshop, or mother-in-law apartment, or squalid rental that needs a microwave this is your lucky day. It even has an easy-clean glass tray. This isn't your average 200 lb used microwave from 1975 that makes your face hurt if you stand too close to it.
This picture needs no explanation. The threat is implied so think about that when you look in the mirror and remember that for the price of a latte at starbucks you could have saved this little cat.
Graco Baby Carrier -- SOLD!
$5 This medieval-looking contraption is a Graco Baby carrier wearable on your front, for 3-6 month old babies. It was Casey's but he's too big for it now.

This Northwest miniature toy lion had gotten herself stuck in a discarded baby carrier and look what happened. This is a crime against nature that cannot go unpunished. Don't let yourself be among the perpetrators when they are hunted down and subjected to similar body shavings.